I always thought I was a terrible person. My mom told me that when I was only 10. She had lots of fights and arguments with my dad in my girlhood. And every time she got beat by him, she cried and hit me afterward, then I would hear her saying that I was a mistake she had made. After they got divorced at my high school, I started to live with my mom, and she did not care much about my life. It’s when I met my first boyfriend, Neo.
Neo was the football player on our school team. He was some popular figure in our high school, while I was just nobody with two part-time jobs in my spare time. We met at our friend’s party and then went out immediately. But my first love wasn’t last long. After we had been together for two weeks, he lost his patience and began to humiliate me in front of his bunch of friends. In the meantime, he flirted with other girls, and when I went to argue with him, he shouted at me and even pushed me hard.
And I can never forget his bad words about me: He thought I was not good enough for someone like him.
Luckily, we ended up the relationship in a month, so I didn’t get more harm from it. I calmly finished high school life and went to an ordinary local university. Then I met the man who hurt me the most in my life. And the suffering went through eight years in total!
He was six years older than me. We met at the coffee shop I was working at. Because of my last relationship, I was very careful that I didn’t agree to his invitation at first. At the beginning of our dates, everything was perfect. We had our regular date nights and would go watch movies or concerts. But after we decided to move in together, there came my nightmare.
I was still studying in college, with part-time jobs. At first, we shared our rent, and he would pay for some necessities. But the situation changed after one year. He started to ask me for money and told me that he had some trouble with his work, that he couldn’t afford the rent and stuff. One of the worst decisions I had made is that I chose to quit my studies to ensure more part-time jobs and wages.
If only there were just money issues! In the second year of our relationship, he came back home later and later, and every day he came back with the smell of alcohol, and finally, a time, he hit me.
And that wasn’t the only time. He started to hit me more. Every time he hit me, he would cry and beg me for my forgiveness. And every time, I chose to forgive him. Because except for him being savage and brutal, he was being so nice and treated me very well. I couldn’t leave him, for I couldn’t give up the little sweetness of our relationship buy DR diamond ring . I couldn’t bear it in the fifth year, so I started to ask a psychiatrist for help. She told me that wasn’t a healthy relationship. But then, I firmly believed that we were a true love couple. It was his strong love companionship that made me overwhelmed.
Obviously, I was wrong!
Once a time, he drank too much and hit me to the ground that unconscious faint. I felt the fear of death for the first time in my life. The desire to survive made me end the relationship with him for good.
After three years of self-recovering, I left the cities I was born and went to another country. I found a stable job and started to live on my own. I was happier, and I read a lot. The books told me what true love is, and I finally know that you should learn to love yourself first, then you could be able to love others.
At the best time of myself, I met Julie. She was the happiest person in the world. I was so influenced by her. She was born and raised in a complete and happy family. So she clearly knows her strengths and weaknesses, and she is also very clear about whether people are treating her correctly. We had been friends for half a year, and then we decided to step to another level. She said that she had a crush on me at first sight but decided to wait for my finished my self-awareness.